Routine life has been quite boring.... Everyday my life is waking up early to get ready for sch, go sch, go tuition, rest, study, sleep then it goes again... Maybe everyone's life is like that.. Maybe thats life... But i feel so tired. Tired of every single thing because i m doing for the sake of doing. I ask myself why, but i should not. Cos this life is better than some ppl out there who are less fortunate. Or even my close friends who are working. Being a student, is definitely better than work life. Still, I really wish to breathe some fresh air somewhere out there. But.... And i m afraid thats my only chance to do so in e next 2-3years, having to cope with studies, tuition and responsibility as a Ren Cai.
Hai forget abt all these unhappy stuff.. School started for almost a month.. If i say i m not stress, i m lying. But just have to put in my best. No more complaining "oh i dun like this module", cos u still have to like, still have to study... My friends ask me am i so in need of money why am i putting so much into my tuition classes. Well, thats e only part of my life i enjoyed. I am tired after sch but still i enjoy being busy.
Okay its time for me to do my revision but before i go, i m happy abt something and that is.... my new sinseh say that my bone has been fixed back just needed more time to recover and thus i need to take care and i will be alright. Finally i heard something nicer and more encouraging. Even if he's lying i am happy for now. So lets see how=)
I think sleeping early needs to be part of my life cos i m feeling really tired after each day then even with pain and everything i can still sleep.
So let me record down my week 1 of sch in SIM.
Through this 4 days, i only can say the paper qualification in UNI is different because of the effort put in is different. Week 1 was fine for me except for econs, because maths and stats are teaching the basics of maths, Principle of Sociology still seems interesting to me now. But the scariest part has yet to come. ALL MY PAPERS WILL HAVE 3HRS EXAM. I have tuition everyday in this week due to prelim exam for PSLE. But nevertheless, i still had time to meet up with my girls like FINALLY!
When I am old, I am no longer the same. Please understand me, have a little patience with me.
When I spilled the soup onto their own clothes, when I forgot how to tie my shoelace Please think about when I teach you how to tie your shoelace step by step.
When I repeated myself over and over again and you are already tired of hearing the words, Please listen to me patiently, do not interrupt me. When you were young, I had to repeat the same story a thousand times, until you fell asleep.
When I need you to help me bathe, Please do not blame me. Remember when I had to coax you to bathe?
When I am overwhelmed by new technology and new things Please do not laugh at me. Recall my patience with you when I think about how to answer each of your "why."
When my legs are tired and unable to walk Please extend your young and strong hand to help me. When you were a child learning to walk, I did help you.
When I start to forget what we are talking about, Please give me some time for me to recall. In fact, to me, what i talk about does not matter, as long as you are by me, I will be satisfied.
When you look at the aging me, please do not grieve. Understand me, support me, like what i told you when you just started learning how to live.
When I lead you onto Life, now please accompany me to walk the last road. Give me your love and patience, I will hold a grateful smile, this smile is the smile of my endless love for you.
This poem may sound familiar to some people but not at all to some. While i was queuing up to buy food this morning i read this poem, that was on the wall, once again. It was actually in chinese but i tried to use google translator to translate the whole thing then edit the phrasing and some parts so it may not be in very smooth english but what matters is the content. These are the words, no parents will tell their children, but are what children have to know... The patience showered upon our parents during their last part of their journey will be greatly appreciated by them.Not only that, but its our responsibility! How sad is it to learn that some human can actually be more patient with their cats and dogs that they own and can be so miserable that they take "good care" of their pet in pet society till they reach "high level".. But in practical life, their parents are not even taken care of. How sad it is to have teachers in school teaching students yet they did not set real life example back home. Even more sad to see the elderly in the homes, like last sun we went to LRY to LY. I had always enjoyed and feel very fulfill after my trip there. And the saddest part is actually they ended up there to spend their remaining days without their kids. But for those who have no kids and no kins, I feel glad that at least they have the nurses and care takers there to take care and love them.
zhen is tickled with love at 11:09:00 PM
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Friday, August 20, 2010
I think i read the following story before, but it still makes me teared. Sometimes, we really have to be more observant abt e ppl ard us.. Not just our spouse, our children... But our parents and even grandparents, and maybe friends around us... We may be too busy with the life we enjoyed or maybe not, but once in a while, take a look at the people around u...
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.
So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6
I think i would consider myself lucky for having the chance to stay in a family with 3 generations.. What i really learnt is that don't bother abt what the elders' hatred or misunderstandings are but to just do ur part to give a warmth little concern to ur loved ones.. For eg, my ah ma has grown so much weaker compared to when i was young and she has also thin down a lot. She also has no teeth. My daddy has more white hair then he used to. My mummy has become tired easily. Although i am always their princess, not wanting me to do anything that might hurt me and eventually hurts them too.. I realised that they wont stop me nowadays when i want to do my little part in the house chores. Which really isnt just our parents' part. I recently read abt this in somebody's blog saying not to expect her to do house chores in the future to her bf. I feel so angry cos i felt that no matter in what century, how strong women are.. Their responsibility is still to give birth and take care of family which include house chores. If u r less stronger and occasionally give in to ur husband or maybe bf, there's no reason why he wants to pick a quarrel with u. And thats how a marriage can last. But of cos as husbands, guys sld know that a little touch or a little concern can make a woman feels all she does for that day is worth it. Okay well, they're just some of my tots after seeing people around me breaking up, quarreling over small issues and worst still divorce. To end my post, man and woman are just the complete opposite but one thing in common every human needs TLC(Tender Loving Care) =)
